Cake Walk

Preparing to leave for the weekend was smooth

but after getting lost for the third time
and not sleeping for the third night
my June third birthday was not as blissful
as I had hoped

Case Closed

A $249 bill
and
a little laser
making a little cut
in my eye
doesn't seem so bad.

Hot dogs

The highlight of the barbecue
was the overheated puppy
that I forced to sleep on my lap
and the other
that slept at my feet

Tights fit

When I opened my portfolio
for the interview
I immediately noticed

my underwear
shirt
and
pantyhose
I packed inside
for lack of space
in my bag.

11 years later
I can barely fit
all the work
I want to show.

Pipe Dreams

It is hard to imagine
one year has passed
since we signed on the bottom line
for our basement apartment

Head Liner

They said
70 and cloudy

and my umbrella
stayed
nice and dry

at home

I used my
morning paper
for
protection

Final Draft

11 years later
8 college friends
7 hours
at least 9 pitchers...

and 3am
came quickly

Spring Fever

It was cold

and I felt fat

all day

The Receiver

I still feel guilty
about the purse
I was given
as a gift

It is as beautiful as
the purse
she bought
for herself...
that is also
a phone.

Mayday

I need to stop asking
when
Cinco di Mayo is.

Good Genes

I never go to sleep
with dishes in the sink

I wash the tub and toilet
to a sparkle
every week

I shower
at least
once a day

Yet, I haven't washed
my very favorite pants
in months...

Profiling

I am a 32 year old
Amercan born
half Italian
half Ukrainian
married
female...

B cup.

I credit the
recent increase
to my passion
for pasta

The End

I was sad to finish
the 548 page novel

I turned on the TV
it flickered
and went dead.

Cat Naps

He sleeps all day
and keeps us awake
all night.

High Hopes

I wore
moderately comfortable
sandals today
hoping it would be
as warm
as promised...

Sea Legs

A tripod my have been awkward to pack
but it would have been a welcome assistant
while photographing
lots of moving women
in low light
on a very rocky cruise ship

Cheeeeeeese

I used to think
cheese
gave me
an upset stomach.

So does the job of
photographer
for three days
on a cruise ship
with mostly
complete strangers.

Dead Ringer

No time for distractions today.

I was relieved the phone was quiet.

It was after 9pm when I realized...
the ringer was off.

Volume and control

It has been over a week
since the ability for me to play music
out of my computer
broke.

I am powerless...

I restarted the machine
and hoped for the best.

I restarted again.

and one more time.

I desperately needed to block out
the noise of the day.

I buckled
and interrupted a studiomate.

I asked him to come over and investigate.
I described my dilemma in detail.
I offered him my seat so he could examine the situation
completely.

He declined...

and casually slid the volume lever up.

Bent out of shape

I am bad at being sick...

but I am very good at
taking care of family
friends


and pets.

I Didn’t

Two Octobers ago
I got married in
an Elks Lodge.

The flowers were cheap
but beautiful

The food was delicious
but not fancy

The guests were exhuburant
but not in black ties

I'm on fire

I didn't recognize the number
I answered anyway.

The woman told me I had never used
a $174 massage gift certificate.

I asked her to repeat my name
I asked her to repeat the amount
I asked her if it was a joke

I told her I loved her

She's wrong
And I am very very lucky
today.

Attachments

When it is time to go through the piles
I feel no guilt throwing away
fistfuls
of barely used paper.

I even shred some

When the desk is finally clear...

I carefully line up
the four beautiful broken staplers.

Having a Ball

It was not a fierce competitive environment
for the Meatball Monday taste test.

It was more of a
Meatball Forum.

I use ground turkey, sausage, tons of good cheese,
lots of red pepper flakes, plenty of onion, some milk,
dijon, eggs and bread crumbs.

They went over well.

I like to make them.

I do not like
to eat them.

Basket Case

My $10 wager
ignited a rush of excitement
for all the games that are
the buzz in the studio.

I lost already...

day 2
of the 14 day tournament.

Over Drawn

There was no blank space
to note an appointment
for next week.

I had already
completely covered
the calendar page in
nervous and distracted
scribble.

Hat’s Off

It was so windy
and the day
flew by.

Well Prepared

I was early for my doctors appointment
and they were early too.

I wrote down all my questions ahead of time.
I asked one.

I arrived home
and it was still light out.

I cooked a meal
that would have been
delicious even without the butter
and heavy cream.

Out of Sorts

It is doubtful
the additional
laundry mountain
next to the hamper
will disappear
this weekend.

Back Stabbing

I blame the woman
that optimistically
lifted my legs
over my head
without my consent
for the lack of
movement in my neck.

Bar Back

All I want to do is
reach the bathroom
without anyone noticing
I'm not a patron
and yelling at me.

Why, why, why, why
is it so damn hard
to play it cool...
with a full bladder?

Gun Point

It is apparently traumatic
to shoot an animal
with a water gun.

Being awakened at 3am
for three nights straight
for a light snack...

is traumatic.

Frumpy Monday

My hair is not clean
or combed

My jeans are way
past their prime

I may have slept in
the shirt I am wearing

and the sneakers make it
official...

Bread and Butter Work

My most satisfying accomplishment
today was independently consuming
an entire baguette.

Re-tired

I am even more exhausted then
before I left for the relaxing retreat to the
planned community in Florida...

with lots of family.

Pack it in

People I have not talked to in months
Projects that have been put on hold
Personal deadlines that seemed realistic

all surface

two days before a well planned vacation.

IN GOD WE TRUST

I immediately picture George Washington whenever GOD is mentioned.

I was 14 before the misunderstanding was corrected.

It was too late.

Weak end

The piles of paper
I planned to tame
this week
will have to wait
until Monday.

Lucky Day

Lucky, the dog,
is a perfect animal.

Night Cap

The last thing I need to do before I leave
is find the pens that go with all five lids...
and not one is even in sight.

From Dusk to Dawn

Yes, they call it a Hallmark Holiday...
but it is also an entire day
that I will not wash one dish.

Drifting

Snowy Mondays make it hard to focus on anything.

Shake Shake Shake

There is blizzard warning for tomorrow and Sunday.

I'm prepared to take complete advantage of this
snowed-in opportunity and get some bullshit done.

Good Reception

Tonight, I am heading to a party to
celebrate a local radio station's new studio.

Hopefully snacks will be prevalent.

I love the radio...commercials and all.
I like to know if the world is on fire while I
am in my studio making business cards.

Sun Rise

The little light my bedroom gets
makes for a perfect night's sleep
but a very difficult early morning.

A fan of Fontina

The aroma of the fancy cheese I bought last week
is still upsetting the studiomates this week.

Fake ID

I have pretended to forget to bring business cards to meetings for
almost three years now.

I riffle through my purse and say something about how I we create them
for all of our clients but I never remember to bring my own--a lie...

I proceed to scribble my information on a scrap of paper as legibly
as I can.

Sense of Direction

I like to tell people where to go...
when they ask me
and I actually know how to get there.

But I really I like to tell them
what to eat,
where to shop
and where to get a perfect
cup of coffee
once they arrive.

Eyed Shadow

I am grateful that I have been
to the Ground Hog's Day
celebration in Punxsutawney once
in 1995.

Today flew by working on
some cosmetic packaging
and I almost missed hearing
the reliable prediction.

Solo Performance

I have some very good friends,
but I would not subject any of them to
the Joni Mitchell Tribute Concert tonight.

I'm going all by myself

and I cannot wait.